A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
