You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize