i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
