Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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