Swine flu. Run for my life!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
