Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
