I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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