apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
