i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
