I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
