You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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