There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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