Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
