So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.