Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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