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I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
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