i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux