it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.