Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"

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  (714): DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job" http://tfl.nu/slki
  Replies (24) Good night (1272) Bad night (3358)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?

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  (781): does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant? http://tfl.nu/3cg3
  Replies (56) Good night (4307) Bad night (1213)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (10306) Bad night (1237)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

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  (405): Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us http://tfl.nu/zowi
  Replies (4) Good night (4556) Bad night (1103)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

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  (906): Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking http://tfl.nu/4jao
  Replies (5) Good night (1134) Bad night (2873)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable

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  (612): Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable http://tfl.nu/0g8x
  Replies (3) Good night (1830) Bad night (799)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles

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  (651): The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles http://tfl.nu/ulwd
  Replies (8) Good night (3365) Bad night (847)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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  (319): You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar. http://tfl.nu/ei6k
  Replies (2) Good night (1556) Bad night (925)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

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  (714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv
  Replies (9) Good night (2236) Bad night (1630)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

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  (214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki
  Replies (5) Good night (2036) Bad night (728)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.

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  (615): How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long. http://tfl.nu/h6mm
  Replies (16) Good night (1320) Bad night (540)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.

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  (612): It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on. http://tfl.nu/eatv
  Replies (4) Good night (681) Bad night (411)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits

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  (425): I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits http://tfl.nu/tp61
  Replies (5) Good night (576) Bad night (433)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.

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  (202): She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home. http://tfl.nu/t0al
  Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (826)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.

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  (989): He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls. http://tfl.nu/co6n
  Replies (0) Good night (651) Bad night (193)

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