There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom