Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

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(207): View more from Maine

I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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(516): View more from New York

WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

The gym has a pool

(914): View more from New York

my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"

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(519): View more from Ontario

He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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(404): View more from Georgia

summer in europe = liver of steel

(678): View more from Georgia

I accept that challenge.

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