I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I spit up blood this morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.