wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
