shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
