If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
