New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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