people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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