I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
