its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
