the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
