I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
