Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
