is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize