If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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