just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
