i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
