worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
