sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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