Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
