She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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