i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need a beard to bite.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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