you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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