You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
