dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
