I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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