Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
