I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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