The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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