im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
