Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
