we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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