shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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