I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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