i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
