I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I only lived at night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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