$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
