Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
