There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
