So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
