I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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