I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
foreskin is a definite game changer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
