I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
