Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
