I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Never joke about your clitoris.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
