at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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