I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
