I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
