i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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