i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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