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I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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