I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
