Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
