I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
