Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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