Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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