i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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