The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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