I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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