Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
