I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
