Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
