Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
