I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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