everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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