Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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