Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
