Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
