At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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