If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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