cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
