I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
