You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
