You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
